Bad blood – Breaking up with a best friendĀ 

Losing a best friend is like going through a a breakup. Your heart hurts, you feel like you still have things to say and most of all you miss their presence. Your incessant texting must come to a halt and you can no longer lean on them in your hardest of times or celebrate your successes. Things happen; the carousel of life never stops turning and it certainly does not do to dwell on the past.

 We all have our moments of pride, but when that moment continues to blind us, we begin to lose touch with the reality of the situation. Friendship, relationships and most of our life’s interactions are based on compromise. A give and take. Now I’m not saying to compromise your entire belief system for someone else, but instead acknowledge another persons feelings and don’t minimize them in the shadow of your own emotions.  Sometimes friendships run their course, such is life. I’ve had friendships end in the past, however this one is unsettling. You can’t invalidate another persons feelings and I would never dream of doing such, but what happens when that friend you never thought would hurt you invalidates you as a friend. It leaves you to wonder, did they even consider how their actions would make another person feel? When they speak their peace and get everything off of their chest in an attempt to release their own demons, they in turn leave other people’s emotions as collateral damage. I like to give the benefit of the doubt and hope that this was not the intention. However, I can’t escape the reality of the situation; that is, me being on the receiving end of an emotional tirade which hurt and shook me to the core. In my specific situation it’s not fair. 

Friends are a part of your support system, your sounding board and will always have your best interest at heart. A true friend will give you honest opinions whether it’s what you want to hear or not. We must try our hardest to understand that it is not an attack and there is no mal intent.  Yet, these highly charged opinions are so understandbly entangled with emotions that sometimes our deliveries become muddled in the process.  We become defensive of our respective opinions and try to self preserve.  Usually, when tempers cool there is a reconvening and both parties can agree to disagree or meet in the middle.  Though on some rare occasions the damage is irreparable and without warning you lose your best friend.  

It’s been countless weeks since Cecilia and I have spoken. She’s moved on and I wish her all the best. I hate to be so final, but how am I supposed to behave when you suggest to get lunch and it never comes to fruition or when she moves out of the state for a new job and doesnt bother to tell you. Perhaps she thinks it’ll be random or awkward to reach out now but I would never view it as such. Maybe time will heal all wounds or maybe our paths were meant to spilt.  For now the Amelia & Cecilia chapter of my life is over. It has to be for my own well being. If and when Cecilia reads this I hope she understands that closing our chapter of friendship is not on me. I’m not refusing to forgive you, I’m just deeply saddened that you didn’t fight harder to be my friend.  Miranda always fought fought Carrie. 

So in many ways losing a best friend is like breaking up with a significant other.  Sometimes you can’t have the satisfaction of closure and sometimes it blind sides you like an 18 wheeler.  We can’t erase the countless laughs, cries and innumerable milestones shared and I would never dream of it. Quite frankly I miss it dearly. But what was it is said before, not to dwell on the past?  Closure starts there.