Your Presence is a Present

When I was young and still impressionable I had a strong belief in the power of karma; the force created by a person’s actions that causes good or bad things to happen to that person (thank you merrim-webster dictionary).  I always held myself to that ancient Buddhist sentiment in my daily interactions, but as I got older and life seemed to jade me with each passing year the karmic standard I upheld slipped away until it became only a distant memory.  To be honest, it wasn’t until I sat down to write this post that my old feelings concerning karma resurfaced.  

Since graduating from college approximately 9 months ago (insert panic attack) I’ve had a difficult time adjusting to “the real world.”  Now let me clarify, I still live at home with both my parents and work at the university that I graduated from, so in reality the notion of the real world is only a technicality at the moment.  And as one can guess the feelings of inadequacy are surmounting.  Recently a fellow colleague unknowingly offered me some valuable life advice, she said “just because you’re comfortable doesn’t mean you’re happy.”  These words really resonated deep within my soul and I had to question, am I actually happy?  In short yes, I discovered that overall I am a very blessed person who should consider myself extremely lucky to have all that I do.  However, I unearthed that the deeper issue was not my situation but my fear of change, a direct cause of my current state. I am stuck in a place that is not providing optimal happiness but, for all intents and purposes, has comfortability.  I have always battled with an inability to welcome change with open arms, instead I would rather keep it at arms length, able to see its potential without ever feeling any of its uncertainties.  I know that I am competent enough to pursue so many different avenues and yet I’m stuck in the same “comfortable” routine day in and day out.  Friends, family and strangers a like persistently placate these feelings by saying “you’re only 22 you have so much time to figure things out,” while that is true I’m also aware that, more often than not, people discount the precious value of youth.  Before I know it my twenties will be a distant memory and I’ll be 35 living a banal suburban life.  I don’t want that.  I don’t want suffer the pain of not knowing what it is to live for me.

I have come to the realization that my presence is a present (props to Kanye West’s lyrics for inspiring this post, not kidding) and I, nor any of you, should ever forget this precious sentiment.  Upon understanding that the power is in MY hands to determine MY future I have acted accordingly.  I recently started a new diet and gym routine that, if nothing else, makes me feel more alive.  Additionally, I acted uncharacteristically and laid everything on the line with a friendship, which is going in a positive direction.  In the coming months I will apply to take a month long TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) program in Paris and start fulfilling what I hope will be a fruitful career.  Change is taking root in the smallest aspects of my life, yet it is proving to have a pivotal impact.  Thus, my karmic beliefs of the past are resurfacing at an opportune time.  If you emit happiness and positivity into the universe (or at least in your day to day life) you will receive it back ten-fold.  Just give it a try, what’s the worst that can happen?